I can remember being 25 years old, sitting in my gynecologist’s office, with the weight of the world on my shoulders. It had been a couple of years since I went off the birth control pill and my husband and I were casually trying to get pregnant, or more so, not actively preventing it. I thought for sure by now we would be pregnant. What was happening with my body? I was feeling very vulnerable. My husband and I had dreamed of having a big family, what if we couldn’t conceive?
The gynecologist came in and I told her my concerns. She looked at me like I was crazy. I told her both my period and ovulation was very painful. She told me that I probably just had a low pain tolerance, that everyone has discomfort. She told me I was too young to be worrying about infertility and that I should spend the next six months charting my temperature and using ovulation kits to try and get pregnant if I was that concerned. She told me to relax, that stress can prevent pregnancy. I told her about my mom’s history of multiple miscarriages. She wrote that off as well. She told me to get dressed and assured me that I would be pregnant in no time.
After six months of constantly peeing on ovulation sticks and having horrendous periods that were getting worse, I went back to her– NOT pregnant– and demanded she refer me to see a specialist. I had a feeling that something was very wrong. She still thought I was crazy, but did refer me to Westchester Fertility. Dr. Blotner took my concerns seriously and eventually diagnosed me with endometriosis and a balanced translocation, a genetic issue which causes recurrent miscarriages and infertility.
I cannot tell you how many patients I work with who have very similar stories to mine. Their doctors dismiss their concerns, instead of listening to them and taking them seriously. Here are frequent myths about infertility that some gynecologists perpetuate:
- Your painful period is normal. The truth is periods should not be painful. If you have a painful period you need to figure out why. There are a few causes for pelvic pain, one of the main ones being endometriosis. As many as 10% of women have endometriosis, which can effect a women’s fertility in profound ways.
- You’re too young to be diagnosed with infertility. Infertility can affect women of any age. The general rule is that if you are under 35 you need to be trying to conceive for a year before seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. But, if you have a history of infertility or pregnancy loss in your family, have painful periods or pelvic pain, have been diagnosed with PCOS or suffered an ectopic pregnancy, you may want to see a specialist sooner. Dr. Blotner has seen a rise in premature ovarian failure in his younger patients, a condition that merits immediate attention.
- Stop thinking about getting pregnant and you will get pregnant. I once had a gynecologist tell me, “You know what you need to do? You and your husband need to go on a vacation and drink a bottle of wine, and then you will get pregnant.” I said, “Wow, I didn’t know wine could cure endometriosis or fix the broken chromosomes in my eggs.” Stop stressing. Relax. Don’t worry about it and it will happen. Doctors, family and friends tell infertility patients these things to try and help, but it is not helpful, nor is it medically appropriate advice. Infertility is a medical issue. Like all medical issues, stress can aggravate the situation, but also like a lot of other diseases, it cannot be cured with relaxation alone. Would you tell a diabetes patient or a cancer patient to just relax and you will be fine? No. There are tests to diagnose an illness and then treatment that needs to be done to help the patient, just like with infertility.
- A couple of miscarriages don’t necessarily mean you have a bigger problem, it could be bad luck. If you have had two recurrent pregnancy losses, it isn’t a bad idea to ask for a referral to see a specialist. It could be bad luck, or it could be an indication of a bigger issue. There are tests to be done to rule out potential causes for loss, and many of them are very treatable. A miscarriage is a very difficult and traumatic experience. If you could possibly prevent another one, why not seek specialized medical attention?
- I’m sure you don’t have infertility issues. Unless your gynecologist is a part of the Psychic Friends Network, she has no idea if you have fertility issues just by looking at you. If you have been trying to conceive for some time without any luck, you need to be your own advocate and demand to be referred to specialist who can give you a proper work up to rule out possible causes. Also according to RESOLVE, 30% of couples struggling to conceive are due to the male partner’s infertility. The gynecologist certainly cannot tell that by looking at you!
Gynecologists are human. Infertility is not their specialty. They sometimes make mistakes. They often tell you everything is okay because they want to comfort you and not worry you. The problem is when you have a feeling something may be wrong, their simple words often are not helpful. Listen to your body, follow your instincts and be your own advocate.